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An anti-valentine to energy companies

  • 14/02/13
  • Categorized in: News

An anti-Valentine to energy companies

14 February 2013

We’ve all been there? 14 February, 8am - You wait with anticipation, hands cupped, ready to catch the deluge of Valentines that will soon pour through the letter box. You hear the creak of the garden gate, the postman’s booted steps tap up the path. Did he need an especially large bag this year? Perhaps he came in a van rather than on his bike to accommodate the teddy bears and chocolates? There’s a rustling as he prepares to push through those proclamations of adoration. You stop breathing, close your eyes and catch the single letter. The cellophane window is unusual for a card and rather than ‘SWALK’ written in scented ink, the back states ‘open immediately this is your gas bill’.

This year, the energy ombudsman has got together with the Poetry Society and poet Matt Harvey to redress the balance by sending an anti-valentine message to the energy companies.

Illustration by Paul Bommer 


Click on the link to view in You Tube

Watch the video




Click the image to listen to Matt Harvey reading his poem ‘It’s not me, it’s you’


It's not me, it's you


I admit that it appalled me

that day you first cold-called me


but you charmed me, won me over

told me I would be in clover


and I succumbed to your advances

thought: what the heck, I’ll take my chances


I told the Doubting Thomases

that you would keep your promises


you’d said that you would care for me

that you’d always be there for me


oh how very wrong of me

I should have thought more carefully


all that warmth and bonhomie

now seems like such hot air to me


for when I called to clarify

the startlingly high tariff I


was on, you proved elusive

and remarkably reclusive

for one so formerly effusive


in breach of all known etiquette

you started playing hard-to-get


left me feeling so much smaller

as if I’m the nuisance caller


with designs on your affection

which is vexing and perplexing


I don’t think it would hurt to see

a bit of old world courtesy


so I’m parting from your company

who’s dumping who? You’re dumping me


constructively dismissing me

I trust you’ll soon be missing me


and then you’ll once again change tack

predictably you’ll call me back


and find you’re waiting in a queue

to hear, when you at last get through


Goodbye. It isn’t me. It’s you.